1. ) IF YOU CAN’T CONVINCE THEM, CONFUSE THEM.
2. ) DON’T THINK OF YOURSELF AS AN UGLY PERSON, THINK OF YOURSELF AS A BEAUTIFUL MONKEY. IT ALWAYS GETS LAUGHS!3. ) NEVER GO TO BED MAD. STAY UP AND FIGHT.
4. ) There is no “me” in team. No, wait, yes there is!
5. ) 80% OF BOYS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS.. REST 20% ARE HAVING BRAIN.
6. ) Some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of shit.
7. ) I never admit or deny anything it makes things more interesting.
8. ) I RAN INTO MY EX TODAY…PUT IT IN REVERSE AND DID IT AGAIN!!!
9. ) If a stranger offers you a piece of candy…take two…
10. ) I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold … … … and eaten… 
11. ) formula for success…….under promise and over deliver…….
12. ) I don’t get older, I level up.
13. ) DON’T TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY, YOU WON’T GET OUT OF IT ALIVE.
14. ) IN VICTORY, YOU DESERVE CHAMPAGNE. IN DEFEAT YOU NEED IT.
15. ) They say we learn from our mistakes; so I m making as many as possible!!!Soon I will be a genius :-B
16. ) A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
17. ) I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
18. ) I can see you checking my whatsapp status
19. ) May god bless you, sick and shameful life.
20. ) NEVER ARGUE WITH AN IDIOT THEY’LL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL AND BEAT YOU THROUGH EXPERIENCE.
21. ) HEY,YOU ARE READING MY STATUS AGAIN??
22. ) SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKY’S. PRETTY MUCH USELESS BUT MAKE YOU SMILE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS.
23. ) I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
24. ) CONGRATULATIONS!!MY TALLEST FINGER WANT TO GIVE YOU A STANDING OVATION.
25. ) Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!
26. ) I’M JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE UNIVERSE.
27. ) DON’T HIT KIDS!!! NO, SERIOUSLY, THEY HAVE GUNS NOW.
28. ) I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY ?29. ) 1F YOU C4N R34D 7H15, YOU R34LLY N33D 2 G37 L41D.
30. ) NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE UNTIL YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES. BY THAT TIME, THEY’LL BE A MILE AWAY AND BAREFOOT.
31. ) My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
32. ) I’m a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.
33. ) Hello madam, do you want Credit Card? Girl: No thanks, I have a Boyfriend.
34. ) My IQ came back negative
35. ) Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’
36. ) AWESOME ENDS WITH ME AND UGLY STARTS WITH U.
37. ) I’M AN EXCELLENT HOUSEKEEPER..EVERY TIME I GET DIVORCE I KEEP THE HOUSE ;- )
38. ) My ex had one very annoying habit – BREATHING
39. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND…THAT’S WHY PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.
40. ) It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
41. ) A WOMAN BROKE UP WITH ME AND SENT ME PICTURES OF HER AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND IN BED TOGETHER. SOLUTION?? I SENT THEM TO HER DAD. 
42. ) Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
43. ) People say that laughter is the best medicine…my face must be curing the world!
44. ) One more password got married…!!
45. ) A Good Date ends with Dinner. An Awesome Date ends with Breakfast
46. ) THE ONLY TIME SUCCESS COMES BEFORE WORK IS IN DICTIONARY.
47. ) The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
48. ) IF YOU CAN’T GET SOMEONE OUT OF YOUR HEAD, .. THEN MAYBE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. <3
49. ) GO TO HEAVEN FOR THE CLIMATE, HELL FOR THE COMPANY.
50. ) I think they picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I’m around!
51. ) SOME PEOPLE SHOULD JUST GIVE UP AT ENGINEERING( OR MEDICAL) ………I HAVE.52. ) WE MEN WANT THE SAME THING FROM WOMEN THAT WE WANT FROM UNDERWEAR.SOME SUPPORT AND SOME FREEDOM.
53. ) WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK.
54. ) ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE. UNLESS YOU’RE A SERIAL KILLER.
55. ) Sometimes if your best friend is in love with someone, start finding love. Or a new best friend.
56. ) Galileo:Great mind…Einstein:genius mind…Newton:Extraordinary mind….Bill gates:brilliant
57. ) NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE UNTIL YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES. BY THAT TIME, THEY’LL BE A MILE AWAY AND BAREFOOT.
58. ) I’m not sarcastic, I am just intelligent beyond your understanding.
59. ) WHENEVER I FIND THE KEY TO SUCCESS, SOMEONE CHANGES THE LOCK.
62. ) Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
63. ) I HAD TO TAKE SICK DAY.I’M SICK OF THOSE PEOPLES.
64. ) NEVER STEAL. THE GOVERNMENT HATES COMPETITION.
65. ) Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids… … …Eat them!
66. ) If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
67. ) DON’T KNOCK ON DEATH’S DOOR. HIT THE DOORBELL AND RUN. HE HATES THAT.
68. ) DO YOU EVER JUST LIE ON KNEES AND THANK GOD THAT YOU KNOW ME AND MY INTELLIGENCE???
69. ) It takes two to lie… One to lie and one to listen…
70. ) DO NOT TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY. YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF IT ALIVE.
71. ) WHY DO STORES THAT ARE OPEN 24/7 HAVE LOCKS ON THEIR DOORS?
72. ) I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY ?
73. ) HMMMM…..DON’T COPY MY STATUS.
74. ) ALL GUYS HATE THE WORDS DON’T AND STOP UNLESS THEY’RE PUT TOGETHER.
75. ) Love is like fart. If you force it, It’s probably shit.
You might want to see Funny Status For Whatsapp.
76. ) WHEN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE ON MY PHONE..DON’T SWIPE LEFT.DON’T SWIPE RIGHT.JUST LOOK.
77. ) I WISH MY BOOK OF LIFE WAS WRITTEN IN PENCIL … THERE ARE A FEW PAGES I WOULD LIKE TO ERASE.
78. ) Dear men, life without women would literally a pain in ass.
79. ) DO YOU EVER JUST LIE ON KNEES AND THANK GOD THAT YOU KNOW ME AND MY INTELLIGENCE???
80. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.
81. ) BEHIND EVERY GREAT MAN IS A WOMAN ROLLING HER EYES.
82. ) Math Rule: If it seems easy, you’re doing it wrong. …
83. ) Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink…
84. ) mind…..ME:Never Mind.
85. ) LIFE IS LIKE A HOT BATH. IT FEELS GOOD WHILE YOU’RE IN IT, BUT THE LONGER YOU STAY IN, THE MORE WRINKLED YOU GET. ];
86. ) A LIE IS JUST A GREAT STORY RUINED BY TRUTH.
87. ) IF YOU’RE TOO OPEN-MINDED; YOUR BRAINS WILL FALL OUT.
88. ) Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really…
89. ) I STILL MISS MY EX – BUT GUESS WHAT? MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER
90. ) LIFE IS SHORT…SMILE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE TEETH.
91. ) I STILL MISS MY EX – BUT GUESS WHAT? MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER 92. ) ALL GUYS HATE THE WORDS DON’T AND STOP UNLESS THEY’RE PUT TOGETHER.
93. ) I HAVE HAD A PERFECTLY WONDERFUL EVENING, BUT THIS WASN’T IT.
94. ) LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL THEY SPEAK.
95. ) A BOOK-STORE IS ONLY PIECES OF EVIDENCE WE HAVE THAT PEOPLE ARE STILL THINKING.
96. ) Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
97. ) If procrastination was an Olympic event ,I’d compete in it later.
98. ) My laziness is like 8, when I lie down it becomes infinity
99. ) A WOMEN SAYING “I’M NOT MAD AT YOU” IS LIKE A DENTIST SAYING “YOU WON’T FEEL A THING”.
100. ) People have become very naughty on whatsapp.. Even married women have put their status as AVAILABLE.
101. ) IF YOU COULD KICK THE PERSON IN THE PANTS RESPONSIBLE FOR MOST OF YOUR TROUBLE, YOU WOULDN’T SIT FOR A MONTH.
102. ) THAT’S WHY THEY CALL IT THE AMERICAN DREAM, BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE ASLEEP TO BELIEVE IT.
103. ) WHEN YOU CAN’T MARRY THE ONE YOU LOVE, :'( MARRY THE ONE WHO IS RICH !!
104. ) IF A BOOK ABOUT FAILURES DOESN’T SELL, IS IT A SUCCESS?
105. ) I just need a good Wifi and Wife.
106. ) WE LIVE IN THE ERA OF SMART PEOPLE AND STUPID PEOPLE.
107. ) If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
108. ) don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught
109. ) DOESN’T EXPECTING THE UNEXPECTED MAKE THE UNEXPECTED EXPECTED?
110. ) I’M JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE UNIVERSE.
111. ) A BLACK CAT PASSING BY THE CROSSROAD CAN STOP HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHAT A RED LIGHT ON TRAFFIC SIGNAL HAS FAILED TO DO FOR LONG TIME!!
112. ) WE MEN WANT THE SAME THING FROM WOMEN THAT WE WANT FROM UNDERWEAR.SOME SUPPORT AND SOME FREEDOM.
113. ) A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
114. ) I AM NOT A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I LOVE ANIMALS; I AM A VEGETARIAN BECAUSE I HATE PLANTS.
115. ) WARNING!! I KNOW BOXING …..AND SOME OTHER WORDS!!!
116. ) I am not lazy! I am just at my energy saving mode.
117. ) AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE FORGET THE FRUIT.
118. ) Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. – Dilbert
119. ) I will marry to a girl who look pretty in her voter id card.
120. ) LIFE IS SHORT – EAT FAST!
121. ) Oh… Sorry… Did you mistake me for someone who cares?
122. ) Hakuna Matata!!–the great motto to live life!!
123. ) Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them…
124. ) It’s not how tragically we suffer but how miracously we live.
125. ) WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED.
126. ) Good morning…let the stress begin
127. ) SOMETIMES THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED IS LESS TRAVELLED FOR A REASON.
128. ) I’m great in bed; I can sleep for days.
129. ) I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A CRIME!
130. ) We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
131. ) I DID NOT ATTEND HIS FUNERAL, BUT I SENT A NICE LETTER SAYING I APPROVED OF IT.
132. ) I’m Only Here For The Free Food
133. ) I didn t climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian…
134. ) Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
135. ) AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE FORGET THE FRUIT.
136. ) DON’T GET A MAN(\WOMAN) ,GET A DOG …THEY ARE LOYAL AND THEY DIE SOONER.
137. ) IT’S AMAZING THAT THE AMOUNT OF NEWS THAT HAPPENS IN THE WORLD EACH DAY FIT EXACTLY THE LENGTH OF NEWSPAPER.138. ) Wow now I’m a graduate…….Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains Don’t be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.
139. ) DON’T KNOCK ON DEATH’S DOOR. HIT THE DOORBELL AND RUN. HE HATES THAT.
140. ) Keep moving! Nothing new to read…
141. ) I’M JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE UNIVERSE.
142. ) IT IS EASIER TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS THAN IT IS TO ASK FOR PERMISSION.
143. ) DOING NOTHING IS VERY HARD THING TO DO…YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN TO FINISH.
144. ) As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free…
145. ) WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED.
146. ) You don’t have to like me….I am not a facebook status.
147. ) A relationship is made for two, but some bitches are bad in math.
148. ) THEY LOVE THEIR HAIR BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO LOVE SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING.
149. ) Don’t drink while driving – you will spill the beer.
150. ) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
151. ) HEY,YOU ARE READING MY STATUS AGAIN??
152. ) I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
153. ) DON’T THINK OF YOURSELF AS AN UGLY PERSON, THINK OF YOURSELF AS A BEAUTIFUL MONKEY. IT ALWAYS GETS LAUGHS!
154. ) DON’T DRINK AND PARK – ACCIDENTS CAUSE PEOPLE.
155. ) I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
156. ) In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
157. ) DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE OR YOU MIGHT SPILL THE DRINK.
158. ) Suicide: Mans way of telling God – “You can’t fire me, I quit”.
159. ) EVERYBODY IS SO HAPPY….I HATE THAT.
160. ) If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can’t speak English…
161. ) Shut up, will you?” “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?
162. ) I’m Mr. Right, someone said you were looking for me?
163. ) IF I’VE LEARNT ANYTHING FROM MAYANS THEN IT’S THAT ..NOT FINISHING A PROJECT IS NOT THE END OF WORLD.
164. ) A LIE IS JUST A GREAT STORY RUINED BY TRUTH.
165. ) Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
166. ) Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1-2.167. ) I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A CRIME!
168. ) PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ARE A GREAT ANNOYANCE TO THOSE OF US WHO DO.
169. ) WHY ARE THEY CALLED APARTMENTS IF THEY ARE ALL STUCK TOGETHER?
170. ) I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, gross, godless, evil stuff… and I want it (:
171. ) Always remember that you are absolutely unique… Just like everyone else…
172. ) Eat…sleep….regret……repeat.
173. ) HMMMM…..DON’T COPY MY STATUS.
174. ) “Price is what you pay. Value is what you get
175. ) SOMETIMES THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED IS LESS TRAVELLED FOR A REASON.
176. ) I MAY BE DRUNK, MISS, BUT IN THE MORNING I WILL BE SOBER AND YOU WILL STILL BE UGLY.
177. ) I wish I could loose weight as easy as I lose my pens,keys,smartphone,my temper and even my mind.
178. ) Don’t settle for good.Demand Great.
179. ) I WANT TO KILL THE HOTTEST PERSON ALIVE… BUT SUICIDE IS A CRIME!
180. ) AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, BUT IF THE DOCTOR IS CUTE FORGET THE FRUIT.
181. ) Sleep till you’re hungry….Eat till you’re sleepy.
182. ) Weather forecast for tonight: dark
183. ) Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’
184. ) THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
185. ) A WORD TO THE WISE AIN’T NECESSARY, IT’S THE STUPID ONES WHO NEED ADVICE.
186. ) If people are trying to bring you ‘Down’, It only means that you are ‘Above them’.
187. ) A LIE GETS HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD BEFORE THE TRUTH HAS A CHANCE TO GET ITS PANTS ON.
188. ) You can love me, hate me or masturbate screaming my name, it’s the thought that count.
189. ) Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!
190. ) If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
191. ) I WONDER WHAT HAPPEN’S WHEN DOCTOR’S WIFE EATS AN APPLE A DAY ?
192. ) The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
193. ) I HAD TO TAKE SICK DAY.I’M SICK OF THOSE PEOPLES.
194. ) SAVE PAPER, DON’T DO HOME WORK.
195. ) IF COMMON SENSE IS SO COMMON WHY IS THERE SO MANY PEOPLE WITH OUT IT??
196. ) There are 3 types of people in the world- vegetarian, non-vegetarian & Tuesday Saturday.
197. ) I have decided to leave my past behind me ,so i owe you money…..sorry but I’ve moved on.
198. ) MY MIND IS LIKE LIGHTING, ONE BRILLIANT FLASH, THEN ITS GONE…:(
199. ) My internet is so slow, it’s just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
200. ) WHY ARE THEY CALLED APARTMENTS IF THEY ARE ALL STUCK TOGETHER?
201. ) Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it…
202. ) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
203. ) AFTER GETTING DRUNK, BACHELOR OF TECHNOLOGY TURNS INTO MASTER OF PHILOSOPHY.
204. ) EVERYBODY WISHES THEY COULD GO TO HEAVEN BUT NO ONE WANTS TO DIE.
205. ) DON’T HIT KIDS!!! NO, SERIOUSLY, THEY HAVE GUNS NOW.
206. ) I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth
207. ) Problem with this generation is we first search for a Lover & then fall in Love.
208. ) I’m smiling. This should scare you.
209. ) Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
210. ) Remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them…
211. ) WHEN NOTHING GOES RIGHT, GO LEFT.
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